Steps by Ruth M. King

Chapter 1 - Cold Lazarus

"Bastard!"

"Sam, are you OK?"

"Colonel O'Neill is a bastard!"

Hardly the most descriptive terms, but that's the only phrase I can come up with. Janet looks at me sympathetically. Everyone knows that the Colonel can be a difficult man, but why the hell does he have to take it out on me all of the time? It wasn't my fault the mission had gone badly. Difficult to provide back-up for another team when you're pinned down in a valley trying to avoid being shot. If SG5's intell. had been better....but no..it was all my fault...again.

I'm starting to wonder why I fought so hard to get myself get reassed. here. I should have stayed at the pentagon. It wasn't like I was unhappy there. Probably would have done if I hadn't have wanted to go through the Stargate so badly. I regretted my decision the second the Colonel questioned my apointment. The General overruled him on that occasion, but O'Neill got his way when it came to SG1. Hell, that was my assigment, but he made sure his old pal Kowalski was on the team and I was shoved onto SG2.

So he hates scientist's...big deal...get over it...Maybe he would have done if the CO of SG2 hadn't got taken over by that Goa'uld. We dealt with the situation, but Major Davis didn't make it. In the absence of another officer General Hammond promoted me. I was shocked, stunned....It was way earlier than I had been expecting. Hammond gave a great speech during my promotion ceremony...wonderful...but did he have to tell the entire SGC that he'd once served with my father? I know what O'Neill thought. His face gave him away. Turned out that he'd put Kowalski in for that promotion and his best friend been passed over for a woman scientist who's daddy knew all the right people. After that our relationship was never going to improve.

Every time I opened my mouth, he came back with some snarky comment. My opinion meant nothing, hell it got to the stage where I would consciously avoid saying anything if we happened to attend the same briefing. And now this latest debacle.....SG2 were the ones who came off worst. We're the ones who have to remain on world for two weeks while we all recover from our injuries. But guess what? SG1 has to take our next assignment! Their downtime has been cancelled...for which, naturally, O'Neill blames me. Don't know why. He doesn't seem to have a life off the base. In fact, I think he's rivalling me for the number of hours overtime he puts in. I see him sometimes, wandering the corridors late at night. Not that he acknowledges my existence, but we both seem to feed on the same brand of coffee.

"There you go," Janet tells me, completing my wound dressing.

I flex my hand experimentally. It hurts.

"Thanks, Janet," I say.

"Now, I think the best thing you can do is get some rest."

"I'll try."

Gingerly, I get off the bed. My ribs protest, painfully. I guess I shouldn't have gone hand to hand with that native...at least I have the satisfaction of knowing that he came off worst. All that training definitely wasn't a waste of time. Maybe I should just go ten rounds with Colonel O'Neill....then he might believe that I'm able to do my job properly. Who am I kidding? He's special forces, I wouldn't last two minutes. Be fun though, just to see his face if I challenged him. He didn't seem to be adverse to a spot of arm wrestling.

Janet's used to me complaining about O'Neill. After all, she's the only person who can afford to give me any sympathy. Anyone else just thinks I'm off on some feminist kick. My fault really, I kinda gave that impression right from the start. If I could have that time over....

Thinking about it, the rest of SG1 are nice guys. Even Kowalski doesn't seem to hold the same kind of grudge his commanding officer does.

"Don't worry about Colonel O'Neill. He'll come around," Janet tries to reassure me.

"That's what I keep telling myself. Doesn't seem to be happening," I return.

"Sam, you're doing a good job. If you weren't Hammond would have replaced you by now."

"No one else believes that."

"Don't let one impolite, obnoxious, male chauvinistic colonel ruin your career, Sam."

"I won't, don't worry. I've dealt with worse."

"Come on, I'm all finished here, want to grab a cup of coffee?"

"As long as we can do some more O'Neill bashing."

"All you want."

We saunter along to the commissary. There aren't that many women here and we all tend to band together, not from any fear of male domination....Sometimes there are things you can only discuss with another woman.

More bad luck. The commissary is full. Yes, there are a couple of seats available, but there is no way we're going to sit with SG1...no way at all...Hell, Janet's going over there. Why won't she stop? At least don't make me sit next to him. No chance, she takes the chair opposite,

"This seat taken?" I ask the Colonel, really hoping that it is.

He looks up at me, as if I'm not worthy to scrape mud of the sole of his shoe, but does honour me with a reply,

"Suite yourself."

O'Neill doesn't just come right out and insult me. That's not his style. He'll wait until the perfect moment and then try to shoot me down....digging a knife in my back as he does so.

I sit down and he proceeds to ignore me, continuing his conversation with Kowalski. This is probably Janet's idea of therapy. Well, it's not going to work. I mouth 'help' at her, but she just shakes her head. I'd get up and leave but he'd see that as a weakness.

"How you feeling, Major?"

Looking up from my coffee in shock, I notice that Kowalski is speaking to me. He doesn't usually do that when O'Neill's around.

"Saw you take that guy down," he goes on, "Nice work."

"Thanks."

I can't help blushing a little. It was a nice thing for him to say, but O'Neill's glaring at me,

"I'm surprised," he says, no doubt seeing another opportunity to bait me.

"That I won?" I ask, rising to the challenge.

"That you've had any hand to hand at all. I mean I would have thought that Daddy would have made sure you stayed away from any actual fighting."

"I'm here, aren't I?"

"But for how much longer?"

"As long as it takes."

I smile at him, but inwardly my heart is sinking. I'm suddenly aware that new battle lines have been drawn. For some stupid reason he seems to have taken Kowalski's compliment as a personal insult. The stakes have been raised in this game we seem to be playing, and it's going to be a matter of who cracks first. I'm even more determined that it's not going to be me.

**********************************************************************************

OK, I can do this, I can be nice to him. This is my new strategy. When faced with Colonel O'Neill, I'm going to be perfectly calm and polite, I am not going to let my emotions get the better of me.

He's sitting in the locker room, a cigar box in his lap. From what I can see, it looks as if he's flipping through some pictures. SG1 just came back from a mission...the one SG2 were supposed to go on.... According to Dr. Jackson all they found was yellow sand and some blue crystals. I've had one sent down to the lab. I might as well take a look at it....after all it isn't like I have anything better to do. SG2 still aren't cleared for gate travel and it's driving us all stir crazy.

"No offence, Colonel, but this becomes the women's locker room in....well now, actually," I begin.

I need to change into my uniform, but O'Neill acts as if he hasn't heard. That box is definitely holding his attention....but then again so does Nintendo.

"You don't have to hurry on my account," I add.

Curious, I wander over to him, catching a glimpse of one of the pictures. It's O'Neill with a woman and a boy. His wife and son, I guess. Wow....someone actually married the guy. Brave woman.

"Nice, you have a family," I continue.

"Yes," he replies.

"I'm an aunty myself. My brother moved to Santiago, so I don't get to see him much, he has two kids now, a boy and a girl, I miss them like hell. I don't get out there near enough."

Yes, I'm babbling, but that's probably because he's not being actively unpleasant. It seems he's got a new tactic....ignoring me completely. He stands to put the box back in his locker. With new determination I try again,

"I see you feel the same way..."

"Bye Sam," he mutters and heads out of the door...almost knocking over Dr. Jackson on the way.

"Jack seems very...focused," he observes

"Yeah," I reply.

Well, that was weird. O'Neill called me Sam....I didn't think he even knew what my name was! The fact that another man has just come into what is supposed to be the women's locker room escapes me for a moment,

"He was looking at pictures of his family, I guess he must be in a hurry to get home. I didn't even know that he was married."

"Oh, he isn't," Jackson informs me. "He was but they separated after his son died."

Oh My God, and there was I going on about my family and how much I miss them....O'Neill doesn't have one at all.

During the next few hours I managed to get the whole story out of Dr. Jackson. I didn't know what to say. I had never even imagined...Poor guy. The last thing I wanted was to feel sorry for someone who was supposed to be my sworn enemy, but I couldn't help myself. From what Jackson said it looked like O'Neill's life had fallen apart when Charlie died and his marriage disintegrated. He was holding it together now, but I found myself wondering how fragile that bond was. If I ever wanted amunition against him, this was it. I could really hurt him. Having that power should have made me feel good. It didn't. Destroying him wasn't what I had in mind.

I guess I should have realised that the man in the locker room hadn't been the real O'Neill. He was too nice. Silent, but far too agreeable. I had nothing but good intentions in mind, when I told him where his double might have gone, I swear. But O'Neill berated me for not telling him earlier. How could I. I'd only just worked it out myself. He yelled at me for a while before taking off with the rest of SG1. This time I just sat back and took it. Damn, but I really did felt sorry for him. Deep down, I've always thought that we could be friends. I mean he does have his good points.....I can't think of any right now, but he does have them.

That was several hours ago. Apparently they came back and O'Neill took the crystal entity through the gate. That was the last I heard. I hope he's OK. Gossip says it took the form of his dead son and that's got to screw you up some.

It's late now, and I'm still here, haunting the corridors in search of my next cup of coffee. Like there's anything unusual about that. Neither was it exactly strange for me to run into Colonel O'Neill. He was sitting alone in the darkened commissary. This time....he was in a bad way and it wasn't just coffee he had been drinking. I didn't really know what to say to him. But O'Neill quickly proved he could find enough words for himself.

"Well, if it ain't daddy's little Major," his speech is slurred and, even from several feet away, I can smell the whiskey on his breath.

There was no reply I can really make. He's drunk, he's not going to listen to me. I'm just going to grab my coffee and leave. With any luck the General will walk in here and that'll be the end of Colonel O'Neill's career. Good riddance.

"That's right, Major. Walk away, don't get involved."

His voice mocks me and despite myself I have to turn back.

"Look, I know you've had a rough time, but there is no reason for putting me through this shit!"

"You don't know squat!"

"Daniel told me about your wife and son. For what it's worth I'm sorry."

"I don't want your pity! You're sorry...How would you know what it's like? Who have you lost, Major?"

"My Mom, when I was thirteen. I was angry for a very long time, so never say that I don't know, Colonel, because I do!"

I don't know why I tell him that. What difference is it going to make? Jeeze, I can't even be nice to this guy without him taking it the wrong way. I should just go. Leave the bastard to his self pity. Why can't I just walk out of the door?

I'm not going to leave him like this, that's why. He's slumped over one of the tables, probably unconscious. I walk over to him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Colonel, I really think you should go back to your quarters," I tell him.

"Don't wanna," he mutters into the table top. "Don't wanna go to school, mom."

Oh this is just great! Why me? Why aren't the rest of his team members here to look after him? I look down at him. He just seems so vulnerable and I can't help but find it attractive. What the hell is wrong with me? My unwilling fingers reach out to stroke his hair....Oh well if there really is no one else.

"Get up, Jack." I order.

He does so, very reluctantly. By this stage he obviously has no idea who I am. I sling his arm about my shoulders and persuade him to walk, but I don't think he'll make it as far as his quarters. Come to think of it, I don't even know where his quarters are....but the VIP rooms are on this level. I think I can manage to get him that far. He's dragging his feet, I don't think he wants to go where I'm taking him, but he's not conscious enough to protest. God, I hope no one sees us. This'll really get the rumour mill started.

We're lucky. I get him into the VIP quarters and let him fall on the bed. He rolls onto his back, looking up at me.

"What're you doin' here?" he asks me.

"Putting you to bed," I reply, bending down to take his boots off.

I'm removing the left one, when I feel his hands in my hair. His running his fingers through it. What the hell? I look up and he's smiling at me. For a man who's half cut, his eyes look pretty damn sincere. He's never smiled at me before, I never realised how much it could change him. His face has softened, making him look younger, less careworn. It's actually a very good looking face.

"Go to sleep, Jack," I tell him.

If anything his grin grows even wider and before I know what's happening, his arm is about my waist and he's pulling me backwards. We land on the bed in a tangle of limbs. I give a little shriek as he rolls us, trapping me beneath him.

"Thank you," he says, "for coming back."

"I couldn't just leave you there."

It's the truth. I damn well tried, but I couldn't do it. His face is coming closer to mine, his brown eyes filled with warmth. He's going to kiss me....Colonel O'Neill is going to kiss me. I should stop this, I should stop this now...

I close my eyes as his lips touch my own. It's amazing, soft, passionate....uncharacteristically gentle. His leg works it's way between mine and I can't stop myself giving a little incoherent moan as he exerts just the right amount of pressure.

"Oh God......Sara...." he groans.

Sara? Who the hell is Sara? Then it hits me....his ex-wife. He's so far gone, he thinks I'm his ex-wife. Dammit, I wish....I wish that kiss had been meant for me. I struggle out from underneath him. O'Neill starts to protest, but the alcohol in his system takes over and the next thing I hear is snoring. Probably a good thing, saves me punching his lights out. I twitch the blanket over him. Wouldn't want him to get cold now, would we? Suddenly feeling very, very tired, I slump into the nearest chair. I get the feeling this is going to be a long night.

**********************************************************************************

You know these VIP quarters aren't half bad. At least the beds are comfortable....wait a second....I don't remember the bed. I struggle to my feet. O'Neill is sitting in one of the chairs, staring at me. I glance at my watch...it's late, I'm supposed to be on duty.

"Sam," his voice stops me as I head for the door.

"Colonel?"

"It's Jack, remember?"

"Jack, right."

He doesn't want to meet my eyes....hardly surprising given his behaviour last night. I mean he was the one who kissed me. I didn't do any kissing back, no way, not at all....well...maybe just a little. I'd like to say that it was because I haven't been kissed recently...but it wasn't. I haven't really missed sex much....at least not until he started running his fingers through my hair.

"I think I owe you an apology," he begins.

It's obviously not something O'Neill...Jack...is used to. In fact, in the months I've known him, I don't think I've ever heard him apologise before. No wonder he's not very good at it.

"And to say thank you."

"What for?" I ask.

"You could have just walked away....but you didn't. By the way my head feels, I must have been in a pretty bad state."

"You were."

"I didn't...try....anything...Did I?"

"No, you didn't."

The relief on his face make's the lie worthwhile. There's no reason he has to know.

"Good. I'm glad....I mean I wouldn't want to jeopardise our working relationship."

"What working relationship?"

"Yeah, right....buy you breakfast?"

"From the commissary? It's free."

"Hey, it's the thought that counts."

I can't help laughing at him. His sense of humour is starting to reassert itself. Under normal circumstances I would find that threatening but this time I just can't help myself. He can be really funny and....God help me....I find that attractive. And he has really nice eyes....No, Sam, don't go there. But he does. I'm only telling the truth.

"So?" he pushes.

"Yes, you can buy me breakfast....even though no money will change hands."

"Great."

We sneak out and into the commissary. I think everyone turns to look when we walk in together. Both of us try to look cool as we collect our respective breakfasts; Jack's Froot Loops and my pancakes. When we sat down together....I thought Dr. Jackson was going to choke on his bacon. Oh, this is fun. Jack's eyes catch mine, obviously thinking the same thing.

"So Major, you going running to see Uncle George any time today?" he starts.

"I might have a word, just to tell him Daddy sends hugs. Anything you want me to pass on?"

Dr. Jackson's eyebrows almost leave his skull. On the other hand Kowalski, is far more direct.

"Is there something you two want to tell us?"

We both burst out laughing. I guess the feud is officially over.

When we are alone again, I ask him why? His attitude changed overnight and it can't be due to one kiss.....which he says he doesn't remember. Jack hesitates before he answers...

"I have one rule, Sam. No one gets left behind."

"Oh."

"You didn't leave me and that'll always mean something."

"But it wasn't in a combat situation."

"Doesn't matter. I was in a bad way....I haven't drunk that much since...well...since I got back from Abydos the first time and found that Sara had gone."

"Must have been hard."

"It was."

I can't believe he's talking to me this way. For two people who don't know each other very well, it's incredibly intimate. We're sitting in my lab. I was on a break and he brought me coffee. Seems he knows alot about my working habits.

"Anyway I just wanted to let you know," he finishes.

"Thanks Jack and thanks for the coffee."

"No problem, see you later."

Yeah, we're Sam and Jack now. A little improper maybe, considering the fact that he's a colonel and I'm only a lowly major, but I guess we've made the first steps towards a tenuous kind of friendship. What I did for him...well, it was only a small thing but it obviously meant alot. I find myself wondering about this man. What made him the way he is? I think there's more to his story...and I'm looking forward to finding out.

**********************************************************************************

Chapter 2 - Politics

"Engaged?" I stare at Jack, my mouth falling open in amazement, "Daniel said we were engaged?"

"Yep."

"Why...I mean how?"

"Didn't get that out of him before Sparky showed up."

"I suppose it's theoretically possible....from a physics point of view."

Jack raises his eyebrows, no doubt expecting another lecture. Sensing he's not really in the mood to listen I decide to shut up. Engaged? After a shaky start, Jack and I have a pretty good friendship, but the thought of romance has never entered my mind. We haven't even kissed since that time he thought I was Sara.....OK once, when we were both drunk....but that didn't mean anything. Despite myself, I can't stop a grin spreading across my face, as I remember that night. Kowalski bet twenty dollars that Jack and I couldn't keep going for ten minutes...Ferretti upped the bet to fifty, so naturally we had to try and take his money! I think we nearly asphyxiated, but what a way to go!

"What are you smiling at?" Jack demands.

"Nothing," I tell him.

He's nervous. No wonder. The future of the Stargate program is in the balance. I don't think I ever realised how much this all means to him. All that stands between continuing the project and shutdown is SG1's testimony. They're the ones who have to persuade Senator Kinsey that the work we do here is worthwhile. Guess that's what happens if you're the Project's foremost team. Sometimes I still get annoyed that I was relegated to SG2...despite the fact I got a promotion out of it....right now I wouldn't swap places. They'll be called in a couple of minutes. Which is why I found Jack, in his dress uniform, pacing the corridor outside the briefing room.

"So what are you going to tell Kinsey?" I ask him.

"Don't know...I just hope I don't lose it with him. How long do you think I'd get for punching out a Senator?"

I'd laugh if I didn't think he was serious. Before long the rest of SG1 join us. Daniel has his arm in a sling after his return from his alternate reality. I'm still a little sceptical about that. I mean if I hadn't already seen so much strange stuff I'd be angling to have him committed.

"Ready kids?" Jack asks.

They all nod and he turns to lead the way into the briefing room.

"Hang on a second," I stop him.

Moving in front of Jack, I pull his tie straight and brush a speck of fluff off his jacket.

"Hey look," Kowalski laughs, "the little woman is making sure her Colonel is all neat and tidy before he meets the Senator."

"Daniel told him we were...?" I question.

"Daniel told everyone," Jack admits.

I glare at Daniel who immediately tries to apologise.

"Actually it's kinda cute," Charlie goes on.

"Kowalski!"

"Wanna arm wrestle, Major?"

"Wanna broken arm."

"Hey, play nice children," Jack interrupts us.

They were stuck in there for three hours and I spent most of that time in the Gateroom, pretending to work. Like I didn't stare up at the briefing room, just to see if I could work out what was going on. Senator Kinsey didn't come crashing through the glass, so I figured that Jack was keeping his temper. Despite my earlier misgivings, I wanted to be in there, fighting our corner. Why the hell didn't Kinsey ask to see the rest of the SG units? We'd all done our fair share. My own team are a good bunch of men and some of the missions we've been on have rivalled the legendary SG1. At least none of us have ever slept with a native and nearly died as a result. Besides, I make sure my guys carry condoms.

There's a pretty good relationship between SG1 and SG2. It helps that Kowalski, Ferretti and Jack all served together on the first Abydos mission. Charlie and Jack go back even further than that. Now Jack and I have a better relationship we all hang out together off base. Oh they used to do that before....they just left me out. Now they go out of their way to make me feel like one of the guys. Which is great...I have a better social life without having to shave my legs. What more could a girl ask for?

I'm actually adjusting something that needs adjusting when Siler taps me on the shoulder.

When I see them all standing at the window I know it's over; Teal'c, Kowalski, Daniel and Jack. Charlie turns his thumb down, but I didn't need his signal. I can tell by the expression in Jack's eyes. Angry is probably an understatement. I wouldn't like to face him in that mood. Guess Kinsey must be braver than we all thought...or stupider. Given the fact that he's obviously decided to shut the program down....I think it's probably the latter.

I leave the Gateroom to go and meet them, but by the time I get there, Jack's already gone. Must have left to change out of his dress uniform. There's no smiles from the rest of the guys, no banter. Daniel's clutching a piece of paper. I look at it, then at him.

"Kinsey didn't get the alternate universe theory, did he?" I ask.

"No," Daniel replies, "he didn't."

"He shot down every damn argument Jack made," Kowalski went on, "And then Danny-boy speaks up....We might have well have signed the death warrant right there and then."

"It'll happen. I've seen it."

"Daniel would you shut up!"

"Where did Jack go?" I cut through the arguments.

"I think he went to the Commissary, to try and scrounge some of that crap coffee you both drink."

"Thanks."

Somehow I feel that I have to find Jack and see how he's doing. That confrontation can't have been easy for him...especially when Daniel decided to stick his oar in. Jack wasn't in the Commissary, but I finally managed to track him down...in my lab. of all places. He must move fast because he's managed to ditch his dress uniform and grab us both coffee.

"I was looking for you," he says as I appear at the door.

"Likewise, thanks for the coffee......I heard what happened."

"Kinsey has no idea what goes on out there. He thinks the good ole US of A can defeat the Goa'uld."

"Maybe you should have taken him through the gate."

"I offered. Believe me, I thought about just tossing him through."

"So that's it."

"That's it....Hammond won't even let Teal'c go home."

"After all he's done?"

"I know, but the President has given his orders, no one is getting out of here that way."

"Damn shame."

"Yeah...I'd have gone with him. Still might if we can swing it."

I can't help staring at him, trying to think of reasons why he should stay. Jack can't leave. Who would bring me coffee? There wouldn't be anyone to pick me up and take me out to meet the rest of the guys. No one to sneak chocolate into my rations.....Who am I kidding? When the program closes he won't be here to do that stuff anyway.

"Why would you go?" I ask.

"There's nothing for me here. Out there...well...I might be able to do some good."

I'm almost tempted to throw it all away and go with him. Would be better than staying here and getting sent back to the pentagon.

"Sam...this alternate universe thing."

"Yes."

"You think there might be anything to it?"

Is he asking what I think he's asking?

"There could be," I reply, carefully.

Thinking about it, I'm not as adverse to the idea as I thought I would be. Samantha Carter-O'Neill does have a nice ring to it. Ring...I wonder what kind of ring he's going to get me? I've always been partial to sapphires myself, they go with my eyes. Hey, maybe we could take the honeymoon in Maui........

"So if we dial in those co-ordinates...?"

Oh...Jumped the gun a little there Samantha....Back to reality.

"We may be able to Gate somewhere....assuming the Goa'uld launch their attack from the same place in this universe. After all Daniel described some differences...."

Jack looks at me and grins. I find myself blushing a little, especially given the direction my thoughts were taking.

"Sam, I can count on the rest of SG1 to come with me.....but you know the base computers better than anyone. We could really use your help."

I take a sip of my coffee......How can I refuse?

**********************************************************************************

The first thing I feel is someone touching my face. I open my eyes, but it's dark, I can't see a thing. Making an instant decision, I grab the hand and I bite down....hard.

There's a satisfying crunch....followed by an angry yell.

Jack, it's Jack! I'd recognise that voice anywhere. I grope about with my hand, finding his leg and his sidearm...that is his sidearm, right? Moving further up his body I touch his face, just reassuring myself that it really is him. I can feel his hat, the scar on his left eyebrow...his lips. I snatch my hand back.

"Jack..? I'm sorry, it's just so dark in here."

"It's all right....I like your attitude," he tells me.

Looks like I really did hurt him.

"What do you know, the Major bites....that should be fun, Colonel."

Okay, so Kowalski's awake too. We could have done without that prime example of his so called wit. When Jack says stuff like that it's funny. If it's Charlie it's just sick.

"It's not dark, we're blind!" Daniel interrupts.

"All right take it easy Daniel, we've been in worse situations than this," Jack tries to reassure him.

"Not to my knowledge," Teal'c adds.

"Thanks, Teal'c," Kowalski says.

"They're getting ready to wipe out the major cities of Earth, they'll do it from orbit, out of reach," Daniel goes on.

He doesn't want to be reassured and I can't say I blame him. If he has seen all this before, it must be like finding himself living a nightmare.

"Danny-boy....could you try to look on the bright side, just for a minute...."

"Kowalski, I've already been through this once before. I've already seen this before?"

"Daniel will you relax? You've been through it before and you survived. We're....just having a bad day," Jack tells him

No longer really paying attention to the argument I start to blink my eyes rapidly. Is it my imagination or is there some texture to the darkness?

"Colonel, I think I'm starting to see something!" I say.

"My sight returns as well," Teal'c adds.

"That's what I wanna hear," Jack sounds almost cheerful. Next to me, I hear him scramble to his feet. "Sam...if someone comes in here......you...bite 'em in the hand."

"Yes, sir."

It hasn't escaped my notice that I've slipped back to the military form of address. It just seems more appropriate, given our current situation. Jack's feeling his way around our prison. I chart his progress by the various grunts from the other members of the team, as he unfailingly manages to walk into them. I can see why he would be frustrated, but in the end there's nothing we can do except sit back and wait for our sight to come back. I don't know how long we've been out. It could be that the C4 will blow any second. Maybe that's why Jack's so nervous.

As my vision clears, I can just about see him standing by what looks like a door. He looks like he's about to beat crap out of it. Kowalski must have noticed because he gets up and starts to talk to him in low, urgent tones. I can't hear what they're saying, but eventually he persuades Jack to come and sit down with the rest of us.

"I'm not big on enclosed spaces," Jack mutters to me, by way of an explanation.

It's not much of one, but I get the feeling it's all I'm going to get for now.

"Want me to have a look at your hand?" I ask....which makes him laugh.

We sit there for several hours. Despite my long period of unconsciousness, I have to fight the urge to sleep. We can't afford to drop our guard for a second. As soon as that door opens we're going to try to get out of here. Jack hasn't given any orders...I just know.

"Well, on the bright side, my hand isn't blurry anymore," Daniel says eventually.

I'm about to snap at him, when we hear footsteps in the corridor. Jack waves Daniel and I towards the far wall, while he, Kowalski and Teal'c flatten themselves next to the door. This is it. Even if we don't make it, anything has to better than sitting here waiting for the ship to explode.

A Serpent guard comes through, his helmet open to reveal a bearded man of indeterminate age. I say that because I know that a Jaffa can live longer than a normal human.

"Bra'tac? " Jack questions.

OK so these guys obviously know each other.....which must be why Bra'tac hits Jack in the face with his forearm.

"Oh God!" Jack exclaims as he collapses, holding his nose.

"Fools! Hashak! You doom yourselves! It is all I can do to keep you alive. Do you know all I have done to regain the trust of Apophis and join this campaign?" Bra'tac rages.

My guess is that this Bra'tac guy is pissed about something. I keep quiet, not wanting to interrupt what is obviously a very touching reunion.

"Tek matte, Bra'tac," Teal'c speaks, stepping forward...He could have done that before Jack got hit. Bra'tac seems to relax slightly,

"Hello again Old friend. Your son grows strong, one day he will be a great warrior. But you should not have come."

"I stand by my friends. I believe this world may be our only hope in one day overcoming the false gods."

"Yes. As pathetic as that may seem at the moment. I agree."

Then he looks at me. It clear that he views me as the pathetic one. His eyes are nothing but disdainful.

"You bring a woman?"

"Look, I don't know who you are but...." I start in on him.

"Better ease off on Carter, Bra'tac or she'll bite you," Kowalski grins. "Ask the Colonel......Now you were agreeing that Earth was going to overcome false Gods?"

"He was?" Daniel asks.

"I may even have been able to save this world had you not interfered," Bra'tac continues.

"Hey! What do you think we've been trying to do? It is our world you're talking about," Jack says, finally recovering enough to join in the conversation.

"Enough human! This is not the place to talk of these things. I have been ordered by Apophis himself to execute you. An order I intend to disregard. Come."

**********************************************************************************

We had to leave Daniel behind.....And to think, a few hours ago, I was accusing Jack of making emotional decisions? I know it isn't easy to abandon a team member..... No one gets left behind is his number one rule. I think it was only the fact that we were all going to die anyway that persuaded him to do it. If it had been me or Kowalski or Teal'c I don't think he would have been so upset. After all, we are supposed to die in the line of duty, Daniel is not. The one civilian member of our team had to pay the ultimate price. It's worse because, we're not going to die. The Glider bays are full, we can fly back to Earth....or so I thought.

"Sir, those are two man ships and there are five of us," I tell him.

I needn't have bothered. Even Jack can do that math.

"Go," he yells.

"No sir."

"No? "

"No one gets left behind, remember?"

I should feel bad about throwing those words at him, but I don't. I will not let him die alone here. Kowalski and Teal'c have already gone to one of the ships and I can see Bra'tac waiting impatiently by another.

"Carter, the C4 is going to blow. This is no time to ignore orders!"

"Jack! I am not leaving you here."

"Fine...."

He grabs my hand and starts dragging me towards the Glider. What's he going to do? The ship only has two...oh. He pulls me into his lap, holding me tightly. Bra'tac looks back at us...I can tell that he's scornful of our human weakness, but he doesn't say anything. He just tosses something in Jack's direction.

"Human, put this on," he orders.

"Will you please stop calling me human?" Jack complains. "Our time is up, we have got to go!"

I feel myself pushed back against Jack as the craft launches. He doesn't complain, but I can tell the impact of my body is enough to drive the air from his lungs. His struggling to breathe as we fly clear of the ship....only to be struck by the explosion. Jack is still holding onto me and it's only the strength of his arms that stops my shooting forward and hitting Bra'tac.

Eventually the shaking stops and we manage to maintain an even flight. I raise my head so I can look at Jack. He gives me a small smile and shifts my weight slightly.

"Bra'tac...Bra'tac! You OK?" he asks.

"Not bad for an old man."

I grin and, on impulse, lean forward to hug Bra'tac. He seems pleased rather than embarrassed.

"Colonel? come in," Kowalski's voice sounds over the radio.

"We're OK, Charlie," Jack replies.

"Same here. But I don't think we bought ourselves much time, our glider's had it."

"I concur," Teal'c agrees.

"We got cooked pretty bad in the explosion," I say, realising how serious our situation still is.

"Sam..." Jack begins.

"We're low on power and in a fairly low orbit, so I don't imagine it'll be too much longer before we burn up in Earth's atmosphere."

"Sam...take a look up."

I follow his gaze. Oh My God! Earth is above us, just like you see it in all those shuttle pictures. The sight takes my breath away.

"It's beautiful," I whisper.

"Yes, it is."

Jack's no longer looking at the view, he's staring straight at me.

"We saved it, sir," I say, meeting his eyes.

"Yes, we did."

"It's going to be a beautiful sunset, Jack."

"You know, Sam, this wasn't such a bad day after all."

"Not bad at all."

I lean towards him, resting my head on his shoulder. We sit together, quietly admiring the view. Dimly, I hear Bra'tac speak again. He's sharing his last moments with his friend.

"We die well, Teal'c."

"More than that, old friend...we die free," Teal'c replies.

That's the important thing....we die free...not locked up in some Goa'uld prison....not stuck on our own planet watching impotently as fire rains from the skies...we die free.

"Or not!"

There's only one more beautiful sight than the Earth and it's the shuttle Endeavour, come to take us home.

**********************************************************************************

You know, when I was a kid I always wanted to be an astronaut....but, now I know why they call the shuttle the world's worst glider. Stargate is a much better way to travel. I give it up to those shuttle pilots though. They landed her right on the button. Even Jack was impressed, and that's saying something. Weightlessness was really cool. Teal'c was hilarious....I don't think the symbiont liked it very much, though. We had to wait a while until we had a landing window so Jack and I spent most of the time turning somersaults. That and coping with the toilet arrangements; the slinger I could understand....but Mr. Slurpy? If I didn't know before, I'm now certain that the Stargate project is the right place for me to be. Assuming we still have a project and I'm not Court-martialled the second I get back.

I needn't have worried. The General had quite a celebration organised, but saving the Earth was nothing compared to the revelation that Daniel was alive and well. For a couple of seconds I thought Jack was going to cry. After we'd finished hugging Daniel, Jack pulled me so close I thought he was going to break a couple of ribs. I lost track of him after that. The rest of my team showed up with a couple of bottles of Champagne.....which they liberally sprayed over me. It's on my clothes, in my hair....I thought they'd be pissed because I'd left them behind. It turned out that Ferretti had tried to come after us, but by the time they tried to dial we'd already left the co-ordinates. I love these guys, they're just the best.

Luckily, I manage to save enough champagne to pour a couple of glasses, then I go and find Jack.

"Jack!" I call out to him.

He turns away from his conversation with General Hammond and grins at me,

"Sam, you smell like a winery!"

"It's this new champagne beauty treatment the guys decided to try out. I managed to save some though."

I hand him the other glass and clink mine against it.

"To dying well," I say.

"To being free," he returns.

**********************************************************************************

Chapter 3- In the Line of Duty

I guess Jack drew the short straw tonight. He's standing in my living room waiting for me to get changed. I told him he'd got here too early, but we both knew he was exactly on time. It was me who had lost track. Not that I was doing anything interesting, but it's amazing how lying on the couch channel surfing can be so absorbing.

"Sam! I'd like to get there before closing time!" Jack yells from the living room.

He's getting impatient. I don't blame him, he's been waiting half an hour already. I really, really don't want to do this. Somehow the world outside my apartment is a little too scary right now. It's the first weekend I've been home since...since....Janet released me from the infirmary. The guys have decided that we all need to celebrate. Celebrate what? Me being alive? From my perspective it doesn't seem like such a good thing.

"You going out like that?" he asks when I finally emerge.

So I don't look so great, what does he expect? Why should he care? We're only going to O'Malley's, aren't we? It's not like they have a dress code.

"I'm not saying you don't look cute in your sweats...."

"Jack, just leave it, OK?" I snap back.

I go to pick up my purse, but Jack stops me.

"Come on, Sam."

"Why?"

"You were wearing those when I brought you home."

"So?"

"So go change."

"How about I just stay here?"

I slump back down on the couch and turn the TV on. If I work this right he might just get so pissed that he'll leave me alone. I don't want to go anywhere and I definitely don't want to have fun.....or whatever dubious definition Jack might have of that word.

"Major, get your ass out of that door," he orders.

It won't work. I just stare at him. We're not on the base now and I'm not about to let him order me around.

"Fine, have it your way," he says eventually and heads towards the door. "This won't go away, Sam, trust me. You'll have to face us sometime."

Ignoring him, I curl myself around a cushion. To be honest with myself, I never thought that he would actually go....but I'm glad he did. I don't want anyone to see me....not like this. Jack was right, I look like crap. My hair's unwashed, I have no make-up on my face and I've been wearing the same clothes for at least three days. He doesn't know but I've been sleeping in these sweats as well.....not that I've been doing much sleeping.

I don't know where it all went wrong. For a while we seemed to be invincible and I was conceited enough to believe it had something to do with my inspired leadership. SG2 seems to have led a charmed existence, it's been over a year since we lost Major Davies. Even SG1 have had their casualties....although Daniel did manage to come back from the dead.....Several times. Everything has been going so well...we saved the world, had a great party and then....Janet's fixed for me to have some counselling but I don't know if I'll go. Right now, I feel like quitting all together. There's no real reason for me to stay. Ferretti could take SG2, no problem. In fact it's probably about time he got his own team....I must talk to General Hammond about that....

"OK, I've thought about it and you're not staying here. Now get up and get changed or I'm gonna do it for you."

Jack...when did he come back? Then I realise that he never walked out of the door. He pulls me to my feet and starts pushing me towards the bedroom.

"And don't think I won't strip you, coz I will," he adds.

For a few seconds I'm too shocked to put up a fight. It's only when he's rummaging through my wardrobe that I realise he's serious. He still has a hand about one of my wrists, but I twist myself, trying to get free. Damn but he's strong. He's going to break my wrist before he lets go. I let my body go limp, but he's not gonna fall for that trick either. In an act of desperation I sink my teeth into his hand....just as hard as I did last time. Jack shouts and swears, which makes me bite all the harder. I taste blood in my mouth before he finally releases me.

"Dammit, Sam, what you trying to do?"

"Leave me alone!"

"No!"

"You don't get it, do you? I had one of those things in my head! Dammit, I would have killed everyone on the base if you hadn't have stopped me."

"I know, Sam, and I know how that must make you feel....."

"Stop pretending to understand....you can't, OK?"

"Yes, I can...maybe not being taken over by a Goa'uld. But I know what it's like to be imprisoned and there's not a damn thing you can do about it. There's no escape, you've just gotta wait for the guys outside to help. In the meantime you find every way you can to keep your sanity, but guess what? It don't work. You get home again and nothing seems right anymore, not even those who love you. Finally, you end up in hospital, strapped to a bed while they pump your body full of drugs trying to calm you down coz you finally succumbed and hurt someone you cared about."

The ferocity of his words had me stumbling backwards. He hadn't laid a finger on me, but I felt beaten.

"Now get dressed and let me help you," his voice somewhat quieter. "I'm going to do something about this."

He held up his bloody hand.

"I'll get you something," I say.

"No, it'll be fine."

I'm still sitting on the bed as he stalks out of the room. Suddenly I feel small and pathetic, not like the tortured martyr I was pretending to be. Very slowly, I go to the bathroom and start the shower. In less than ten minutes I'm ready to go. My hair is still wet, but I figure what the hell. I've put a little make-up on...and jeans with a clean shirt.

Jack is sitting on my couch, his hand wrapped in a towel. For the first time I notice how tired he looks. I guess this has been tough on all of my friends.

"I'm ready," I say, quietly.

I don't really know to approach him. Tonight we've seen a little more of each other than either of us was prepared for......I think I would have preferred him to strip me naked.

He looks up at me, a small smile on his face as he takes in my altered appearance.

"Better," he says.

"Let's go," I tell him, not really wanting to prolong the conversation.

The atmosphere in the car is strained, to say the least. I don't think either of us knows quite what to say. Jack concentrates on the road, and I find myself staring out of the window.

"This isn't the way to O'Malley's," I say.

"I know," He replies.

"Where are we going?"

"Surprise."

"Jack!"

"It's not far."

"This is your place."

"I know."

He grins at me.

The lights are all on, so there's somebody home. Jack makes me close my eyes as I get out of the car and he leads me up the path. His fingers are warm and his thumb is gently caressing the back of my hand. We stop for a few seconds as he opens the door, then....

"Surprise!"

I open my eyes to see a room full of people. Just about everyone on the base is here and there's a huge banner saying 'Welcome Back Sam!'. Ferretti pushes a glass into my hand and drops a brotherly kiss onto my cheek. I think he's been taking lessons in insubordination from Kowalski...and I couldn't be happier.

"I told you I'd get her here," Jack announces.

But at what price? I'm not sure that we can ever see each other in quite the same way. I have trouble working out why he felt he had to go to such extreme measures. Later on in the evening I ask Kowalski about it,

"He told you that?" he questions.

"Yes, before we came out."

"Woah...he must like you more than I thought."

"Like me?"

"Sam, we all know Jack spent some time as a POW in Iraq, but he almost never mentions it. And if he does he changes the subject pretty damn quickly."

"I realise that...but what did you mean when you said he liked me?"

"Why don't you ask him?"

I look over to where Jack is talking to Sergeant Siler...He likes me, what's that supposed to mean? Like like, or something more than that? I'm not making sense even to myself, but then again I've had a couple of beers, maybe I misunderstood what Kowalski said. I know we were engaged in that alternate universe that Daniel always goes on about, but that was different people....a different Jack and Sam. That's it, has to be. Jack catches my stare and smiles. There's a touch of apology in his expression. He excuses himself from Siler and comes over to me.

"Enjoying yourself?" he asks.

"If I say yes will you say, 'I told you so'?"

"Would I do that?"

"Yes."

There's an edge to his teasing, as if we're trying too hard to act like we usually do. I can't help looking into his eyes, trying to work out what he's really thinking......Then it's like the room fades away for a second and there's only us. Jack takes my hand and steps closer. He wants to kiss me...I'm even more certain as he bends his head just a little....we're in the middle of a party....everyone's going to see us. Then I realise, my body isn't going to stop him, I'm leaning in towards him....

"Colonel!"

I'm going to kill Sergent Siler.

"You said you'd show me you're new 'scope."

"Sure," Jack replies and squeezes my hand before letting go.

I'm left in the middle of the room, feeling like I've missed something.

*********************************************************************************

The party ended at around midnight and I'm hanging around, waiting for Colonel O'Neill to take me home. I said I could call a cab, but he wouldn't let me. Now this place is quiet and we have time to talk, it seems that he's going out of his way to avoid bringing up any issues. I think he regrets showing me that small part himself that the others don't see. And then there's the fact that we nearly kissed each other....I'm starting to wonder if that wasn't just some figment of my deranged imagination. I mean, why would he do that? Why would I do that? Jack's a friend and everything but....

He's cleaning up. I get the feeling that Jack is very house proud in a male sort of way. I tried to help, but he said he had it covered and offered me another drink. I'm not drunk...far from it. I think I've only managed a couple of beers over the entire evening. Most of the time I was talking. No one has actually mentioned what happened, but it's amazing how much support I've gotten and not just from my own team. Everyone has let me know, in their own way, that they are there if I need them. I must admit I'm feeling alot happier than I did earlier this evening.

Jack has his fire lit and I'm very much at home sitting here, staring into the flames. It wouldn't take much for me to fall asleep. The couch is seems very comfortable right now. I've been holding myself in all evening, trying not to let my emotions take control. There were times that I just wanted to break down in tears. It was sweet of them to arrange all this. As for going back to work....I guess I have to. If I don't God knows what Jack would do. He went to great lengths to get me here and I'm wondering now if he isn't counting the cost. What he said was done so in a heated moment, I'm not going to hold it against him...or even mention it, unless he does.

I wonder what did happen to him while he was in Iraq? And how long it took him to recover? I was out there too, for a while....but I never saw anything to relate to what he must have experienced. In a way it does compare with what happened to me. The feeling of being completely helpless comes immediately to mind. At least Jolinar was gone within a couple of days....imagine months.....years...forever.

"Here you go," Jack smiles at me, handing me another glass.

"What are you trying to do to me?" I joke.

It doesn't stop me sipping the wine.

"Oh that's good," I sigh.

"I don't bring out the expensive stuff when the rabble are here."

"Should you be drinking it...considering the fact that you still have to drive me home?"

"You could stay here....I have a spare room....and the comforter in there is to die for."

"Jack..."

"C'mon....we can kick back, watch a little late night TV, finish the wine....It'll be fun."

"I don't know...."

But my resolve was wavering. I couldn't think of anything nicer than curling up on his couch, in front of the fire and drifting off to sleep. Jack takes my hesitation as assent, kicks off his shoes and flicks on the TV. He's sitting in the chair opposite, but I can't help wondering what it would feel like if he was beside me. Damn Kowalski for putting more ideas into my head...if Daniel's alternate universe wasn't enough. There's nothing wrong to being attracted to him...is there? Yes, because I always have a weakness for the lunatic fringe and, if nothing else, tonight has proved that Jack O'Neill can put himself firmly in that category. Although, right now, I wonder if that classification shouldn't refer to me? I have to be mad to be sitting her with him.

It's nice though. We're not saying much, just enjoying the companionship. I guess he must get lonely sometimes, just as I do. This is a rare moment in both our lives. Normally we spend so much time rushing from one planet to another that we hardly seem to have time to draw breath. If I'm not on a mission, I'm working in the lab. I know Jack's the same...without the working in the lab. part. We don't have much time to spend on ourselves. Yes, there's the regular nights out with the rest of the guys, but those don't really count. In a way that's just an extension of work. If anything, my recent experience had taught me that I need to....need to what? It's not a question I seem to be able to answer. My whole life revolves around the Stargate.

I try to pay attention to the film we're watching, but I know I won't be able to stay awake for much longer. The wine, the party...the strain of Jack's revelation, everything has taken it's toll on my body.

"Jack?" I say.

"Yeah," he mumbles.

"Where's that spare room?"

"I'll show you."

He takes my glass and sets it down on the table. Then he leads me to a room at the back of the house. It's a small, with a single bed. Like everything else, it's clean and tidy...although right now I probably wouldn't care.

"The bathroom's first on the left and there are some clean towels under the sink. I'll just get you something to sleep in."

He returns a few minutes later and gives me one of his T-shirts, before turning to leave.

"Jack," I call after him.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

The wine has made me a little more daring than I usually am. Acting purely on impulse, I reach up and kiss his cheek.

"Sleep well," he tells me.

Who knows, with Jack close by, I just might manage it.

**********************************************************************************

Chapter 4 - The Tok'ra

This is getting to be a bad habit....Sleeping over at Jack's, I mean. Over the past few months I've spent at least one night out of each period of downtime here. Knowing that he's close by is kind of reassuring.

I never plan to stay, but when it gets late and we're both tired, somehow it seems like the natural thing to do. Jack even has a joke about making sure my favourite T-shirt is clean. Tonight it was just us. We took a bottle of wine up to the roof and did a little stargazing. It's amazing how much he knows about Earth-based observing. We came down when we got cold and drank hot chocolate by the fire. It's been a nice evening.

After using the bathroom, I swathe myself in his T-shirt. It's too big but, who cares? I think I look kind of cute. Despite the fact it's clean, I can smell something of Jack in the soft material. I bury myself under the comforter and close my eyes. Only one thing is missing. Blame the alcohol, but I can't help wondering what it would be like if he were here too....apart from a little cramped that is. I use those warming thoughts to help me drift off to sleep.

Sleep....it's been so long since I have been able to easily find that release. While I was in the infirmary, Janet fed me drugs to help, but once I got home I stopped taking them. I don't know what I was more scared of; nightmares, or becoming too reliant on the pills. I should have known the nightmares were infinitely worse. I think it's something to do with Jolinar. His memories seem to be invading my own. There have been occasions, on missions, when I've known something I shouldn't have. A prime example; SG1 found some Goa'uld devices and I was able to use them...which has really freaked me out.

Some really bad things happened to Jolinar. Really, really, bad things. I can never tell exactly what happened or when....But sometimes it hurts so much that I would swear someone is torturing me....him...

They're not all bad. There are occasions when Jolinar's memories are downright erotic. I see people, people I've never met....There's one man in particular. He has the most amazing blue eyes and his smile.... His relationship with Jolinar must have been a very special one. When I see him I know that I'll be safe from the nightmares...even if it's just for one night.

Tonight...tonight I don't see him.

I awake in the dark, not knowing where I am.....Finding myself in strange surroundings I fling myself out of bed and tear the door open. The hallway is black...there's no light anywhere. I'm back in the darkness of my own mind, trapped as Jolinar speaks through my mouth, sees through my eyes. I stumble along, searching for a way out. Somehow I end up back in the living room. The last glowing embers of the fire cast a weak light....but it's all I need. With trembling fingers I find some wood and build up the fire again. I huddle as close as I possibly can, needing the warmth. By this time I'm shivering. Despite the flames I can't seem to get warm. In the end I go back to the spare room and drag the comforter to the fireplace.....and that's where Jack finds me the following morning, curled up on the hearth rug.

"Sam, are you OK?" he asks me.

"Yes...I just got cold," I lie.

He doesn't look convinced. I haven't told him about the dreams, scared that he'll think I'm nuts.

"You should have woken me up," he says.

"There wasn't really any need, besides I got to sleep right away when I got in front of the fire."

"You've been spending too many nights off world, if that's the only way you can get comfortable. Want some breakfast?"

"That'd be good...need some help?"

I scramble to my feet....and Jack's jaw drops. Ooops...I'd forgotten I was only wearing his T-shirt. I think he likes the general effect....or make that my legs. Whatever, he certainly stares at them long enough. The way he's looking at me is making me blush. I can feel the heat rising in my cheeks and the longer he stares, the worse it gets.

"Breakfast," I mutter, anything to get him moving.

"Right...yeah...breakfast. I'll go...get."

He trips on his way into the kitchen and I can't help smiling to myself. There's not really any point in getting dressed yet, so I crawl back under the quilt, pulling it round me so that only my head is showing.

The fire is long dead and I wonder about lighting it again. Jack's house isn't particularly cold but there's something very comforting about real flames.

"Jack...OK if I light the fire again?" I call out to him.

"Knock yourself out," he shouts back.

I feel like a small child whose been given a box of matches as I set about burning some more wood. There's something very satisfying about setting fire to things. I throw some odd bits of paper on to the pile just for the satisfaction of seeing them burn. Maybe that's what's wrong with me...I'm a pyromaniac....Well, Dad always said I had destructive tendencies. Thinking of Dad I wonder how he's doing. I called him yesterday so I'd better not try again today. He just thinks I'm interfering if I phone or try to see him too often. It's not easy watching a parent die....I've lived through it once, and I'm not relishing the thought of going through it all again. I just wish I could have told him what I really do. That would have made him just a little bit proud of me. He said that he'll be around for a while yet...I just hope his words turn out to be true....or was he just trying to reassure his little girl?

I'm still huddled in my quilt when Jack comes back with coffee. He laughs at me, making some crack about promising not to stare at my legs again if I come out. I just stick my tongue out at him. Considering that he's wandering around in boxers and a scrappy T-shirt he shouldn't complain. Jack has a very nice body...even if he does tend to hide it under baggy clothes most of the time. He holds the coffee mug just out of my reach, trying to tempt me out.

"Jack!" I complain.

"If you're not going to come out, then I might just have to come in," he teases.

Knowing that he'll probably make good on that promise, I move enough of my upper body to capture the mug and disappear again.

"That doesn't count," he tells me.

Next thing I know he's managed to burrow his way in beside me...without spilling his coffee or mine. What can I say? This man has talent.

"Told you," he grins.

But I don't really care, in fact, as I lay my head on his shoulder, I realise that this is what has been missing from my life for a long, long time. Maybe it's the memories of the blue eyed man that has made me long to experience this kind of closeness again.

I don't know who turns first, but the next thing I feel is his lips as they softly press against mine. He must have put his coffee down, because he removes the mug from my hands, freeing them to slide around his shoulders and pull him closer. I feel safe with Jack. Safe enough, that I let him push me backwards as he lowers his weight onto me. Moving my hands, I let my fingers twine in his hair. God, I've wanted to do this for so long...smooth the strands that stick up all of the time, grey brown threads that have been turned golden in the light of the fire. It's softer than I expected, silky almost....

His tongue brushes lightly against my lips, and I slowly open my mouth, granting him the access he desires. It's slow, sensual, soft....he's not going to hurry me...or hurt me. I become bolder in my explorations, slipping my hands down his back, under his T-shirt, revelling in the feel of his naked skin. He wriggles out of his shirt, realising that I want to touch more of him. His lips leave mine for the briefest moment and I feel bereft without them. I'm kissing him all the more hungrily when they return.

For a second he draws back, looking at me with wonder deep in his brown eyes. Those eyes seem softer, not as harsh as they used to be. I part my lips, wanting to speak, but he places a finger over them. He's right, I do think to much. When I smile I think I see a little relief in his features. Did he really think that I wouldn't welcome this? He pulls back a little further, just enough so he can pull the shirt over my head. For a few seconds I can't meet his eyes, but at his sharp intake of breath I know that everything is going to be fine.

"God Sam...." his voice is a little husky, "you're beautiful."

I smile shyly at him, I don't think anyone has ever called me that before. At school I was always the tall skinny kid....not much to look at. Guess I finally grew out of that stage. 'bout damn time. Tired of waiting, I curl my arm around his neck and pull him back towards me...but Jack on places the briefest kisses on my mouth.

Afterwards we lie dozing together. Our body's basking in the warmth of the fire and the afterglow of good sex....make that fantastic sex, unbelievable sex.

Every so often Jack shifts his position, finding a new way to hold me close. This man....has totally surprised me. I've never felt so loved.....so wanted.

I think we would have stayed there all day....if a sharp knock at the door hadn't interrupted our happy daze.

"Jack, you there?" Kowalski's voice shouts from outside.

"Crap," Jack swears, scrambling to his feet and then into his clothes.

I wrap the quilt around myself and make a dash for the bathroom. It's not that I'm ashamed of what just happened....I just don't want it spread around the base just yet.....especially by Charlie 'mouth the size of the Jersey Tunnel' Kowalski. Luckily, my car isn't in the driveway and neither myself or Jack told the others we were seeing each other last night.

"Sorry, Charlie, the fishing trip's off," Jack says as he opens the front door.

Kowalski must have seen something in Jack's face because the next thing I hear is,

"You got laid last night!"

"What?....What are you talking about Kowalski?"

"I know that look.....Jesus Jack what the hell were you thinking? You've got a good thing going with Major Carter. Don't screw it up by sleeping with some woman you picked up in a bar. Sam's the best thing that ever happened to you....smart, beautiful, sexy as hell...."

"I'm well aware of Sam's attributes."

"Then why the hell are you screwing around?"

This is actually funny, but I can't let poor Jack stand there and take all this abuse. There's a robe hanging on the back of the bathroom door, so I put it on and walk into the hallway. Charlie's eyes nearly stand out.

"Satisfied?" Jack grins.

"Major....nice....nice to see you," Charlie stammers.

I match Jack's smile with one of my own as I take his hand and start leading him away. I don't even have to say anything.

"Close the door on the way out," Jack shouts over his shoulder as I pull him into the bathroom. I think a nice, long shower will be just what the doctor ordered.

**********************************************************************************

"This must be what it feels like to be schizophrenic."

"What is schizophrenic?"

I glance up at the man who is sitting beside me, not realising that I've spoken my thoughts out loud. He's looking at me, obviously confused by my statement. Taking a deep breath, I attempt to explain,

"It's a mental illness humans have. It's like a...split personality. Two people in one brain. I mean there's me, Samantha Carter and then there's this leftover part of Jolinar that feels things like...."

"Like?" he questions.

"Like some pretty deep feelings for you."

He smiles at me, pleased by my revelation.

"Jolinar's left this imprint on your mind?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry if it makes you uncomfortable."

"No it's just...What you had...you and Jolinar... You were in love longer than I've been alive....Hell longer than I will be alive!"

"She left this feeling with you? You can feel how she felt for me?"

"Yes.....And it's confusing the hell out of me."

"Why?"

His question is a simple one, but I pause before I answer it. How can I explain to him that I also have some pretty deep feelings for someone else? A man who's several hundred light years from here...who has a cute grin and hair that just won't lie straight. Could I be more confused? I don't know if I love Jack...not yet. It's too soon for that. Part of me wants to say those words, but the rest of me holds back.

"Because it's not just in my mind like a memory. I feel it, like I've had this relationship with you for a hundred years. I don't know if I can describe it with words. What Jolinar felt for you I...I don't even think I'm capable of comprehending," I answer.

How can I? The longest relationship I had lasted two years....and ended in a broken engagement. Jack and I have only been...what's the word?...Lovers, I guess....for a couple of weeks. Considering the fact we started out as bitter enemies we're taking things slowly. Could I stay with him forever? It's far too early to say.

"Maybe there's another was you can communicate it. Perhaps in a way...other than words."

He reaches out towards me....and my fingers tangle with his. It's hard to believe how far you can get with just a dream. I'm sitting in a desert, on a hill overlooking a Stargate and a man named Martouf is holding my hand.

The second I saw him, I knew who he was. I'd been seeing his face for months in those damn dreams. Martouf...Jolinar's lover. I look into his eyes and my mind is awash with emotions, I know they're not mine, but I can't stop myself responding to them. At this point Jolinar would have kissed him....but I can't do that....I have Jack to think of.

"Major Carter?"

My gaze is torn from Martouf's by the sound of Ferretti's voice. I pull my hand free and scramble to my feet. Suddenly, I feel incredibly guilty.

"Yes?" I answer, regaining a measure of my composure.

"The council wants to see us. I think they've reached a decision."

Ferretti is looking at me as if he doesn't like what he's just witnessed. In my heart I can't blame him. From his perspective, he's just seen his best friend's girl with another man. He doesn't say anything to my face....Ferretti is too well trained for that. God I hope this doesn't get back to Jack.

We meet with the council...for all the good it does. They want a host and none of us are willing to be blended. Imagine what it would be like with me, Jolinar...and another Tok'ra in my brain.....I think it would explode. The situation isn't helped by the appearance of another SG team. But I can't help the fact that my stomach does a little flip when I see Jack.

They've come to take me home....my father is dying. The Tok'ra won't let us go. I don't know what that does to me. I shrink away from all my friends and cram myself into the smallest corner I can find. Dad is dying. Even Jack leaves me alone. He watches me from across the room, ready to come to my side and draw me into his arms...if I want him to.

I don't want my Dad to die. I want him to live...and I know that's what he wants too.

"Jack, did anyone tell you how far along my father is?" I ask, the germ of an idea percolating through my brain.

"No, I was only told to get you back as soon as possible," he replies.

"He doesn't even know why I'm not there for him. He thinks I'm off working on some damn satellite dish."

For a second my emotions threaten to overflow, Jack takes a protective step towards me, but I can't accept the comfort he offers....not while we're on duty. I guess in situations like this, he is the ranking officer.

"We're gonna get you back there, Sam," he reassures me. "The good news is, there's eight of us now..."

"That's Good news ?" Daniel interrupts.

"Yes, more manpower."

"Is this another one of your strange jokes, O'Neill?" Teal'c asks.

"Uh..no"

"It would be impossible. There is only one way out, via the rings. We would then have to elude hundreds of Tok'ra. "

"I, for one don't want to hurt any of them," I object.

Why does Jack always pick the military option? Sometimes he is nothing more than a product of his training.

"Look, I'm not too thrilled about hurting anyone either. But keep in mind these people wanna make you a host! And as I recall you said that whole Jolinar-Goa'uld in the head deal was one of the worst things that ever happened to you!"

He's trying to be understanding, but all he's managing to do is frustrate me even further. I disclosed that fact to him during a very intimate conversation, I didn't expect him to bring it up in front of everyone.

"That was before I understood it better. If I wasn't fighting her....and I knew what it meant for Jolinar to be a Tok'ra, It might have been...I don't know...enlightening."

For some reason I'm thinking of Martouf again. How can I do that when the man I profess to care for is standing right in front of me? Something in the conversation I had with Jolinar's lover has touched me deeply. I like the idea of a love that can last for all time.

"I need to see Garshaw!" I announce, sending the nearest Tok'ra guard to fetch her.

"What?" Daniel questions.

"What is the one thing they need the most?"

"Well, hosts...which we can't give them."

Garshaw appears with the minimal of waiting. She must have been close by hoping one of us would change their mind. Martouf comes with her and I can't help myself responding to his presence...I feel myself blush at some of the memories his presence precipitates. I really hope Jack doesn't notice how much this man has got me off balance.

"What is it?" Garshaw demands.

"You said that a symbiote can cure most problems in a human?" I ask.

"Yes."

"Does that include Cancer?"

In the corner of my vision I see Jack turn towards us. He knows what's on my mind. Martouf and Garshaw share a puzzled look.

"What is cancer?" Martouf asks.

"It's a disease in humans where the cells grow out of control. You get tumours," I explain, thinking that perhaps they know it by another name.

"Oh, yes, it's a common ailment amongst your species. We cure it all the time. It's of no problem," Garshaw says.

I take a deep breath and turn back to Jack,

"I think we should at least try to offer it to my dad."

He nods. After all, we have nothing to lose and it might just get us out of here....It might just save my dad's life. Jack doesn't even try to argue with me...and I appreciate that.

"We might have a host for you," Jack says.

"You nave a host for Selmak?" Garshaw replies.

"Yes, my father. He's got cancer and if Selmak can save his life, I think he'd be willing to try it, " I explain.

"But you have to let us go back ," Jack adds.

"I will let two of you go, but the rest will remain to ensure that you return," Garshaw decides.

Which is better than nothing. Now all we have to do is persuade General Hammond.

**********************************************************************************

The first time Dad's eyes glowed, it was the weirdest experience of my life. I had to fight down the feelings of fear and revulsion. I know we made the right call, even so, this is going to take a certain amount of getting used to. Martouf and Garshaw can't stay long. The rest of the Tok'ra are in danger and they need to leave as soon as possible. Dad will go with them...I'm not quite sure how I feel about that. It's bad enough we've spent most of our lives in different parts of the globe...never mind completely different planets.

They want to put the co-ordinates into the gate computer themselves...for security purposes....I can understand that, but I can see that Jack is none too impressed by their lack of trust. That annoys me for some reason. Must be something to do with Jolinar. General Hammond sends me with Martouf to dial up the gate. The Tok'ra places a hand on the small of my back, indicating that I should precede him. I can almost feel the hostility emanating from Jack. Surely he's not going to lose it over a simple gesture?

Martouf is impressed by the set up we have developed...and by the fact that I did so much work on the system. I admit I'm flattered by the attention. Not very many people here seem to appreciate how much effort went into getting the Stargate operational. Everyone thinks Daniel Jackson came in here one day and got it to work. All he did was identify that seventh symbol....which I'm sure we would have done given time.

"Samantha," Martouf stops me as we return to the Gateroom.

"Yes?" I ask.

He looks into my eyes, "I hope we will see each other again."

"I hope so too."

I can't help smiling at him. Learning more about Jolinar is appealing and there's a great deal I want to find out about these people. Martouf takes my hand, and again I feel the thrill of familiarity. I guess the Tok'ra must be used to their lovers changing bodies.

"You are very beautiful," he tells me.

That's the second time he's said that. What does this man want from me? Before I have time to speak, to breathe, his lips make contact with mine. Some other part of my mind takes over and I find myself responding. He's touching me in a way no one else can...not even Jack....Jack...Oh my God! I forgot all about Jack. I tear myself away from Martouf, but it's too late. There's someone watching us....Someone who'd come up from the Gateroom, just to see what had been keeping us so long.

"Jack...Jack it's not what you think," I say.

"Yes it is," he returns.

"Samantha?" Martouf questions.

He doesn't understand. How could he? I never mentioned a word about Jack.

"If you're about ready to go....," Jack makes it clear that he wants Martouf out of here.

OK, maybe it'll be OK.....He hasn't freaked out on me. Maybe Jack knows that it was a mistake. It wasn't me kissing Martouf...not exactly, not remotely....

We see the Tok'ra safely away....I say goodbye to Dad and still Jack hasn't said anything. He's making me nervous. I expected some kind of reaction. Or maybe he's just waiting until we're alone. I really, really hope I haven't screwed this up.

He leaves the Gateroom without even looking at me.

"Jack.....Jack...!" I call after him.

"Don't!" he snaps.

"At least let me explain."

"Ferretti said you and Marty looked pretty friendly. I didn't believe him until I saw the two of you playing tonsil hockey back there."

Damn Ferretti...I'll kill him...I swear.

"He was Jolinar's lover," I explain.

"So you thought you'd just grab a taste of it. More research, Major?"

"It wasn't like that."

"So what was it like? Enjoy it, did you?"

"No!"

"Decided to go for a little comparison, did we? Was he better than me? Or do you want to go back...just to make sure?"

"Will you just listen!"

"There is nothing you can possibly say to me...."

"Jack!"

He's walking away. I shout after him, but he doesn't even turn his head.

What have I done?

What have I done?

**********************************************************************************

Chapter 5 - 1969

"Jack O'Neill is a bastard....owww!"

Isn't this where I started?

"Hold still," Janet warns me as she puts another stitch in my hand. I bite
my lip and I watch her do it. The wound isn't serious, just a deep scratch
from where I caught myself on a piece of metal. At the time I hardly
noticed, I was too interested in the alien technology we found. It was only
when Ferretti pointed out that I had blood streaming down onto my pants, I
realised what had happened. We tried to clean it up, but it was obvious that
I was going to need stitches....so we had to come back....all because I
hadn't been paying enough attention.

"All done," she says, placing some strips of bandage over the wound.

"Janet?"

"Yes?"

"What the hell am I going to do?"

I don't think she has much sympathy for me and I can't really blame her. No
one here does. Let's face it, I was the one who screwed everything up. Jack
won't even try to talk....I think I preferred it when he was insulting me.
At least he was taking some kind of notice. I miss him more than I would
have thought possible....and the rest of SG1. It's not that they go out of
their way to avoid me. We're always perfectly professional, but the
camaraderie has gone.

"Are you coming to O'Malley's tonight?" she asks.

"No, better not," I reply.

Janet just shrugs her shoulders, not even making an attempt to talk me into
going out. Maybe I should ....but then Jack would probably walk out. Let's
face facts, there were his friends when we started this and he got to keep
them at the finish. Nope, it's an evening in with the cat and a bottle of
wine...oh joy!

"Sam...," Janet begins.

"Yes?"

"You can't go on like this....you do realise that, don't you? If that
scratch is anything to go by, your argument with Jack is affecting your
work."

"I.....I really liked him, Janet."

"I know. We all do. Which is why you have to get your life back in order.
Look, what do you say we have a girl's night out...say Friday?"

I know she'll lecture me, but I don't care. I'm at the point where I'm
craving human contact.

"That'd be fun...thanks."

Martouf paid us a visit a couple of weeks back....and it's the closest
Jack's been to me since we split. The second Martouf walked down the ramp,
Jack was right there behind me, like some guard dog. I thought maybe it was
a sign he was weakening. No such luck....he still closed me out. He doesn't
want me, but it looks like he's not going to let anyone else close. I only
had the chance to speak to Martouf briefly... luckily Daniel interrupted us
before matters got out of hand.

I don't think Dad's very impressed with me either. He didn't say anything,
but he didn't have to. I got the feeling he liked Jack....about the only guy
I've ever dated that my father has actually approved of.

The stuff I left behind at Jack's house has been duly returned. Turned up on
my doorstep, no note, nothing. He didn't even ring the bell. I'd like to
return all the things he gave me....but I can't. I cling to them, because
they're the only part of him I have left. It's not even the sex I miss. I
can live with out the intimacy....I want his friendship back.

Speak of the devil. The object of my ruminations walks into the infirmary.
SG1 must have just got back from their latest mission. Jack stares at me.
For a second I see the mask slip, but he soon tears himself away and resumes
his front of indifference. I guess he wasn't expecting to see me here....SG2
were supposed to be off-world for another two days. General Hammond has
arranged the rota to make sure our respective teams are rarely on base
together for extended periods of time.

"Something I can do for you, Colonel?" Janet asks.

"Charlie's on his way down here. Took a blow to the head. He says he's OK,
but I'm not too sure. Do me a favour and make sure he gets some rest," he
replies.

"Will do. I'll tie him to the bed if necessary."

"Why Doc if I'd have known you were in to that kind of stuff...."

He lets the sentence trail off suggestively and Janet giggles. Damn Jack,
he's flirting with her on purpose. I don't let my face betray any emotion as
I bid Janet farewell and make my way out of the infirmary. I try to hide out
in my lab. ,but for some reason General Hammond comes down to find me.
That's unusual...he'd normally summon me to his office.

"I heard you were injured?" he begins.

"Yes, sir," I reply, slightly confused.

He takes a long look at my hand before continuing,

"Major Kowalski has been restricted to the infirmary for the next three

days. It seems his concussion was fairly serious."

"I'm sorry to hear that. Give him my best."

"I will, Major. SG1 is due out again tomorrow and I would like you to take
his place."

"What? I mean why....sir?"

"There needs to be a second USAF officer to be present in case they run into
hostiles. Since SG2 returned early you are available."

"But sir...I don't think I'm the best person....What about Ferretti?"

"Is there some personal reason why you can't obey my order?"

"No sir."

"Then report to the Gateroom at 0800."

"Yes, sir."

What's Hammond trying to do to me? Unless he thinks that, by forcing Jack
and I to work together, we'll somehow mend our differences. It's unlikely.
Jack O'Neill is the most pig head, stubborn, difficult man I've ever
met....especially when someone's betrayed him. But the General has given me
an order and as such I have to follow it.....even if I'd rather shoot myself
in the head.

I think I'll stay here tonight. It'll be safer. If I leave the base I'll be
tempted to go AWOL. There's plenty of stuff for me to work on and it might
take my mind off Jack. With any luck he'll object so violently to my
assignment that the General will relent and let me stay. If we're going into
a potentially hostile situation we need to be able to work together and I
don't think we can do that at the moment.

****************************************************************************

This is all my fault.

I must have screwed up the calculations somehow...entered the wrong figures
into the computer....

I don't know how we managed to get stuck in 1969 but it's my job to get us
all home again. Why the hell couldn't have General Hammond have been more
explicit in his note? A couple of dates isn't going to get us very far even
if we do manage to find the Stargate. At least I know why he was so
insistent that I went with SG1. He couldn't afford to let anyone else
go....even if Jack and I kill each other in the process.

Speaking of whom.....He's gone back to insulting me....which is great.
Wonderful. I'm trying to tell him important stuff about changing the
timeline and he's using it as an excuse to make me look stupid. Way to be
professional Jack. Then again.....if we alter history, maybe he won't exist
and that would solve so many of my problems.

We've been on the road for a couple of days now. The bus isn't big enough to
sleep all of us, so we've been camping outside, round the fire....just as if
we were off-world. Ironically, I guess this is the farthest from home we're
ever going to get.

As might be expected, I can't sleep. I'm lying there with my eyes shut,
running calculations through my head...still unable to find anything wrong
My concentration is so complete that I barely feel someone place a second
blanket over me and tuck it around my body. I lay absolutely still, scared
to open my eyes and break the spell. The next thing I feel is a hand
brushing hair off my forehead. It's Jack. Even if I didn't recognise his
touch, I can smell the leather of his jacket. Trust him to pick that
particular outfit...although I must admit he looks pretty hot in it.

"Jack?" Daniel's quiet voice interrupts the moment.

"What?" Jack whispers back.

"I was going to ask you the same question."

"She looked cold."

He's acting like it's something he'd do for Daniel or Teal'c. I hear him
move away, but he and Daniel continue their conversation in low tones,

"Would it help if I told you something?"

"Probably not."

"You know when Martouf last paid us a visit."

"Yeah."

"I walked in on the two of them."

"Don't want to hear this, Daniel."

"Believe me, you do."

I tense under my blankets, wondering what exactly Daniel is going to say. He
only came in a the tail end of our 'conversation', he could easily have got
the wrong impression.

"I don't think she likes him all that much."

"Really."

His voice is flat and expressionless, he doesn't believe Daniel....and why
should he?

"Well, not Martouf per se, but Lantash. She really wasn't happy with some of
the things he said," Daniel goes on

"My heart bleeds."

"He tried to apologise for Lantash, and said that he was really growing
quite fond of her."

"You told me I was going to like this."

"Trust me.....Sam went into this big thing about the fact that she wasn't
Jolinar and they couldn't just pick up where he and Rosha left off. She was
very vocal."

How long was Daniel standing outside of the door? I never realised he had
heard that much. Although I admit that I was so upset half the base could
have been listening in and I wouldn't have cared. If Martouf had waited a
little longer to express his affection, maybe I would have been more
receptive, but....

"Then Martouf mentioned you, in a not too flattering light I might add,
and..."

"And?"

"Sam must have hit him."

"Really?"

Jack chuckles to himself, no doubt pleased by the image Daniel has
presented. At the time I was mortified by what I'd done. I don't usually
react that way. Janet was right when she said my break up with Jack was
affecting my work. Let's face facts, I could have started an intergalactic
incident.

"She was just apologising to him when I walked in," Daniel continues.

"There was a red mark on his face. I think she hit him pretty hard."

"Good for her...little creep deserved it."

"So I think you can forget Sam getting together with Martouf any time soon."

"Why should that matter to me?"

"Jack....anyone with half a brain can tell that you're in love with Sam.

Don't do this to yourself."

"Even if I wanted to....Sam.....I don't know if I can trust her again."

I guess that's the real problem. Jack sees life very much in black and
white. He can't ever comprehend a situation where I......I did what I did .
There was a reason why it happened and that's what everyone seems to forget.
I blame Jolinar for a lot of things, but in this case....I don't know. I
shift onto my back trying to find a more comfortable position and my
movement stops any further conversation. A pity, I would have loved to hear
what other nuggets of wisdom Daniel was going to offer. Not that I think it
would have done any good, but it was sweet of him to try.

Usually, I don't have any difficulty sleeping outside. Sometimes beds are
more of a problem. In the end, I just decide to get up and go for a walk. No
one else seems to be awake. Jack didn't think it was necessary to stand a
watch....after all we're probably pretty safe here. I move as quietly as I
can, away from the bus and into the woods. There has to be a way back.

General Hammond must have thought that note would mean something to me. If I
wasn't so preoccupied with Jack, maybe I would have got it by now. He's
right about one thing though, we'll need the Stargate, so at least we're
heading in the right direction.

Another day on that damn bus...this time Daniel's driving, which frankly
scares me. He tends to get easily distracted. Jack spends the time stretched
out on one of the seats, seemingly immune to his colleague's erratic
driving. If he had a major change of heart last night, he's not giving any
sign. That is until we camp for the night. We're all sitting by the fire.
I'm not really paying much attention....still trying to figure out a way
home. Someone pushes a mug into my hand and it takes me several seconds to
realise that it's Jack....and he's sitting next to me. His denim covered leg
is brushing against mine, distracting me for a second. I really, really have
to concentrate on the fire to stop myself reacting. We're burning alot of
pine wood so the flames are spitting and flaring....flaring...flare!

"Flare!" I say out loud.

"What?" Jack asks.

"It's the only explanation. We had to have been sent back because of a solar
flare."

"Was it not an error in your calculations?" Teal'c inquires.

"I don't think so, Teal'c. After the Abydos mission, when we couldn't figure
out a way to make the gate work again, I was asked to research alternative
applications for the gate including time travel."

"What'd you come up with?" Jack questions.

"Just this."

I pick up a stick and start to draw in the dirt. Jack looks over my
shoulder, interested for once.

"What if a massive solar flare just happened to occur at the exact moment we
were travelling between Earth and another Stargate? If the wormhole moved
closer to the sun because of the flare's magnetic field the increased
gravity could slingshot us back to Earth," I explain.

"Why haven't we tried this before?" Daniel asks.

"Because flares are impossible to predict. Light takes several minutes to
travel between Earth and the sun, so by the time a flare of sufficient
magnitude has been confirmed it's already too late."

"If they're impossible to predict, how do we get ourselves home?"

"August 10th 9.15 Am. It's in the note."

"That's the time and day of the next flare?" Jack adds.

"Yeah. General Hammond must have used my own research to figure out what we
needed."

"Or maybe that's why he asked you to do the Research in the first place. "

"And then he looked up two flares in August of 1969 that could send us
home."

"General Hammond you old son of a.....So Carter, do you think you could get
us back by Friday?"

"Why's that?"

"Date night."

"Really?"

I can't help sounding a little coy. Thank you, Daniel! I wonder where he's
going to take me?

"Yeah, Janet's set me up with a friend of hers. I'd hate to miss it," Jack
finishes.

My heart gives an unsteady thump. Jack's going to see someone else....and he
just couldn't resist twisting the knife, could he? Bastard.

"No, we wouldn't want you to miss that," I say, weakly.

I will not let him see how much he has just hurt me....I will not...

****************************************************************************

We got back by Friday.

I'm getting ready to go and meet Janet while Jack, no doubt is slavering
with the anticipation at the thought of his date. I really hope it isn't
anyone who works on the base, I don't think I could take that. Imagine if I
saw them together...I don't know what I'd do. Well actually, to be honest,
I'd probably just walk away. I have to stop thinking like this. I've lost
Jack, that's all there is to it.

Janet's taking me to an expensive restaurant so we can drown our sorrows in
good food and good wine. That in mind I dispense with my usual jeans and dig
a dress out of my closet. A little black number...might as well be prepared,
just in case we do happen to meet men. It's been a while since I've worn it,
but it still fits me. I apply a little make-up and consider myself ready to
meet the world. Jack O'Neill you don't know what you missed. I'm dressed to
kill and I'm not that fussed as to who I take down with me.

The restaurant is on the opposite side of town, and I arrive a little early.
I get shown to our table and sit and wait for Janet, browsing the menu. It
really is an expensive place. I hope Janet was serious when she said she'd
cover the bill. She's later than I expected her to be. I'm praying she
hasn't got caught at the base, I hate having dinner alone. Feeling somewhat
annoyed I find myself glancing over at the door for what seems like the
hundredth time. Someone's just come in, but it isn't Janet. I hide my face
in my menu. What the hell is he doing here? I can't believe fate would be so
unkind as to have him bring his date here. This doesn't seem like his kind
of place.

Come on Janet, don't let me have to face him alone. I wonder where his date
is? There doesn't seem to be anyone else here on their own. Wait a
second....there's a red head over by the window. That must be her. Good
looking, super-model thin.....Damn. I'd like to hope that I was smarter,
but if she's a friend of Janet's she probably has a brain. I resolutely turn
away. Even if Janet doesn't turn up, I'm going to eat my dinner, and then
leave. I'm going to be the one who acts like a civilised adult. I wonder
what he'll think of this dress?

I go back to studying my menu. Janet's still going to pay me for this, so
I'm going to find the most expensive dish on the menu....ugg...no way am I
eating that....OK make that the second most expensive.

"Uh, hi...sorry I'm late," a voice speaks to me.

It isn't Janet. I drop the menu from my face and look at the man who's taken
the seat opposite me. He's actually wearing a suit. Didn't know he owned
anything other than the tie that goes with his dress uniform. And he's
brushed his hair.

"What the...? Carter!" he begins.

"I think we've been set up," I finish for him.

Damn you for doing this to me Janet. Just when I thought I'd got over him,
you force me into this situation. I don't know what to do. There's no way I
can stay here. I'm not about to give her the satisfaction.

"I should have known," he says. "Look, this wasn't my fault."

"Really? But you were eager enough to take Janet up on her offer?"

"Yeah, I was...wonder why?"

Our voices are rising and people are starting to look at us. That must have
been why Janet selected this place. She thought the surroundings might quell
our aggressive tendencies. No way. No way am I going to sit here and listen
to this. Jack can damn well eat dinner on his own, pick up someone in a
bar....I don't really care. Pushing my chair back and I grab my coat and
purse.

"Sam, wait a second," Jack says.

"This is a really bad idea," I tell him.

"Did Janet tell you this was on her?"

"Yes?"

What's he planning? Jack grins at me and waves the wine list in my face,

"For a start, they serve Dom Perignon....and I know how much you like good
champagne."

He bought me a bottle once, on my birthday. We drank it in bed.

"Are you suggesting...." I start.

"That we give Janet a restaurant bill she's gong to remember for a long
time."

His mood is infectious and I can't stop myself giggling a little. It would
almost be worth it....just to see the look on Janet's face.

"So what do you say? Start off with a little smoked salmon, caviar...."

"Ick!"

"OK, no caviar.......You look great by the way."

Very slowly, I find myself sitting down. Jack calls the waiter over and
orders a bottle of champagne. Considering the fact that Janet's paying...it
tastes really, really good.

**************************************************************

Chapter 6 - Into the Fire

If this had been in the movies, Jack and I would have kissed and made up. I must admit it was the thought of the making up part that made me agree to stay in the restaurant and not storm off home....which would have been well within my rights. However, not content with setting us up our so-called friends decided that they suddenly wanted to be voyeurs. None of them know the meaning of subtlety.

When Jack and I came out of the restaurant, there was Daniel's car parked right outside. I just knocked on the window and handed the bill to Janet. Then Jack and I went our separate ways, barely managing to say goodnight. If they hadn't been there I think he might have...what? Shaken my hand? Dinner had been a little awkward. We only started to relax after a couple of glasses of champagne. Even then there was a tension between us, that I can't really explain. We kept our discussions neutral and neither of us mentioned Martouf.

Perhaps we would have been better off shouting at each other...at least we might have got our feelings out in the open , instead of bottling them all up inside....but we probably would have ended up trashing the restaurant, and I doubt Janet would have been willing to bail us out of jail.

So here I am. Walking home through the snow covered streets with an armful of groceries. Going back to my empty apartment. It's damn cold out, the wind is cutting into my face and hands. I guess I should have put on gloves and a scarf. The grocery store isn't far, but I didn't think it was possible to get this cold in such a short space of time. That's one of the reason's Dad's always thought that I needed someone to look after me. I don't know when it's time to come in out of the snow.

Not much further now. Why do I always go to the store meaning to buy bread and come back with everything but? I don't think there is anything of any real food value in these bags, and it weighs about a ton. I hate grocery shopping. Most of the time I eat at the base. At least then I only have to decide between a few items....and I don't have to deal with my atrocious cooking. OK, it's not that bad. There are a few things I can cook really well....at least Jack said I could....but I think he was more interested in dessert if you know what I mean. Why did I have to think about that? The image of Jack and whipped cream was not one I wanted right now.

I pause on the sidewalk, opposite my apartment building, ready to cross the road. There seems to be more traffic than usual. I guess people are trying to get home before the next load of snow falls. From the look of the sky, it won't be that long now. It'll be nice to watch it...once I'm back in the warm. Hurrying across the road, I fail to see the two people who are standing in front of the entrance. My head is bent downwards to give me some protection from the wind and I walk right into one of them.

"Sorry," I apologise, and go to move past.

Out of reflex I glance up, right into Jack's face. It isn't him I walked into....I collided with a blonde woman, but my surprise is such that I hardly notice her.

"Jack?" I question.

What the hell is he doing here? And who the hell is she?

"Sam," he acknowledges, sounding a little uncomfortable. Caught you, didn't I? How does it feel?

We stare at each other and I offer him a nervous smile. I think we've both forgotten that there's someone else standing with us. She soon makes her presence felt, however. She gives a non-discreet cough which shakes both of out of our staring match.

"Uh....Sara..this is Sam Carter," he says.

Sara? Not ex-wife Sara? Oh please, don't tell me he's back with her. I know they must have loved each other once, but surely not now. I didn't even know that they still saw each other...then again....Jack never does say much..... He never really talked to me about her.

"The Sam?" Sara questions.

"Uh.....yeah," Jack replies.

"You're younger than I expected."

There's not much I can say to that. I shift nervously from foot to foot as she looks me up and down. Somehow I get the feeling that Jack told her we were together....but never mentioned the break-up. Which kind of explains her attitude, and the fact she's looking at me as if I'm a speck of dirt.

I reprimand myself for thinking such uncharitable thoughts. These two people lost their son. I can see their shared grief in the way that glance at each other....scared, half-longing looks. If Sara doesn't like me...well, she has every right not to.

"So any thoughts of wedding bells?" Sara goes on.

I'm so shocked, one of my grocery bags slips from my hand. It's only Jack's sharp reflexes that stops a bottle of wine smashing on the sidewalk. He really should explain to her, but all he does is shake his head no.

"Um....actually Sara," I begin.

"Of course, I'm interrupting," she cuts me off. "You two obviously have plans. I'll see you around Jack."

"Yeah, look after yourself," he replies.

"Nice to meet you, Sam."

This conversation is getting more confusing by the second. Jack happened to run into his ex-wife outside my apartment? In that case what was he doing here? There's something almost wistful about his expression as he watches her walk away. He still wants her, I can tell. The very thought brings tears to my eyes, but I'm strong enough not to let Jack see.

"I should," he gestures down the street, in the same direction Sara has taken.

"Unless you want to come up for a while?" I suggest.

"Can't, I have to get back to base. "

"Oh."

"Yeah, SG1 has a mission scheduled at 2200."

"Another time."

"Maybe."

One of us has to go or we'll be standing in the snow for the rest of the night. It's me who makes the move. I take my bag from him and walk into the building.

I take the stairs very slowly. Part of me wants to run back down and stop him from leaving, but there's no way I'm going to do that. Besides SG1 has a mission...at least I'm assuming that he was telling the truth about that. He could have just been finding an excuse to get away from me and back to Sara.

The lights of my apartment are on as I stumble inside. I'm glad I thought to leave them when I went out, it makes finding the kitchen alot easier. Wait a second.....I didn't leave the lights on. Rushing back into the living room, I take a quick look round. TV's still here, VCR, DVD player.....OK so I haven't been robbed, but... Lying on the coffee table is a bouquet of red roses. There's a card beside them that reads; Jack.

That's all it says. I know he's usually a man of few words but....I can't help smiling. Jack bought me flowers, red roses no less. No one's ever done that for me before....I have to call Janet....no....hold that...I have to call Jack. He won't have got to the base yet, I should be able to catch him on his cell phone. To my annoyance, he doesn't answer and I get switched through to his voice mail.

"Hey, Jack," I reply to his message, "thanks for the flowers, they're beautiful. Call me when you get back...."

I want to say something else, something a little more personal. My mind refuses to form words, so I hang up and go and spend some time with my flowers.

**********************************************************************************

I find myself hanging behind as the briefing room empties, using the opportunity to adjust my underwear. This was a bad choice. Sexy doesn't go well under fatigues. I feel like it's cutting me in half...damn butt floss. Jack had better appreciate this when he gets back. Maybe I'm jumping the gun a little, but I want to be prepared....those flowers had to mean something. I push up my push up bra a little and make my way down to the Gateroom. SG1 are due back any second and I want to be the first person Jack sees. I want to be able to smile at him and see his face light up.

When I got here, I let myself into his quarters and set a few things up. Some of Teal'c candles for one, a bottle of wine, and a single red rose on the pillow. Cheyenne Mountain may not be the most romantic location, but SG2 are due out early tomorrow morning, so we won't have time for anywhere else. I stand there in the Gateroom and wait...and wait...and wait. Eventually, General Hammond gently tells me that I should be somewhere else. His way of saying that something is wrong.

I retreat to Jack's quarters and calmly strip it of all the trappings of romance. When the area is bare, I return to my own room. Damn, but this underwear is killing me. I don't think it was ever meant to be worn this long, but that wasn't the point of this exercise. I free myself of my constricting garments and return to my sensible, boring attire. It's not going to turn anyone on, but I don't care anymore. I curl up on my bed and hug my pillow close. Jack and I made love here once. We had this rule about not doing it on the base, which lasted all of about two days. Both of us spend so much time here that we couldn't really help ourselves. What General Hammond didn't know wouldn't hurt him....and the walls here are pretty thick.

Jack has to come back...he just has to.

Sleeping was the best thing I could have done under the circumstances and I crashed out for ten hours straight. In fact, the next thing I knew was Janet waking me up.

"Janet?" I question, thinking that maybe she has some news.

"Nothing yet.....I thought I'd better wake you up. SG2 is due out in half an hour."

I drag my hands through my hair and across my face. Going off-world is the last thing I want to do right now, but duty calls.

"You'll recall us if there's any news?" I ask her.

"Girls scout's honour," she answers.

I don't want to leave the base, but duty calls. Ferretti tells me that SG3 and SG5 went out after SG1. I guess Hammond couldn't trust SG2 to remain objective about the situation. Let's face it, we would have torn the whole planet apart looking for them. Colonel Makepeace knows better than that.

They found Teal'c by the Stargate, but no sign of the rest of SG1. He's still out cold in the infirmary and won't be telling us anything for a while. Teal'c's really sick. Worse than he's ever been before. Janet doesn't know if he's going to pull through. Not even his symbiote seems to be able to heal him. If Teal'c's this bad what does it mean for the rest of them...for Jack? This can't be happening. SG1 always comes home...it's part of what makes them....well...SG1. Jack's team is the best, everyone knows that. They can't just die. Jack can't die...he sent me flowers.

After my mission is over, when I finally get home, the roses are sitting in a vase, mocking me. Damn, why couldn't he have given them to me one day earlier. I know what they mean now....Jack has forgiven me....and it's too late. Those are words I never expected to hear myself say. We should have clung onto every moment we had....I should have made him come back to me.

Oh God! What the hell am I going to do?

I curl myself up on the couch and give myself over to grief. Tears are meant to be cleansing, aren't they? Shouldn't I feel better after crying my eyes out for three solid hours? In the end I go to bed, there's really nothing else I can do. I'm still a major, I still lead SG2....I have that much to console me. My life has to go on...even if Jack can no longer be a part of it.

*******************************************************************************

SG2 are off to pay a visit to the Tok'ra, not that I really feel like going. Each time I step through that gate I feel like I'm going to miss something....some sign that SG1 are still alive. But I especially requested this mission so I could see Dad, so it wouldn't look good if I made excuses. Actually, a good long talk with my father is probably just what I need. No doubt he'll have some sound, pithy advice for me. Something along the lines of don't fall in love with your colleagues....it could have been worse...Jack could have been my commanding officer.

We're not going to meet them on their base planet. Despite Dad, the Tok'ra still don't trust us enough to let us know where they're based. The world we travel to is like most of the others; covered with trees and wet. The Goa'uld have very little imagination when it comes to terra-forming their worlds. We sit in the rain for five hours before the Tok'ra deign to join us. I don't know what information they have, but it had better be good. None of us is in the best of moods right now. We want to be back at base, joining in the search for SG1.

"Hey Dad," I say as he finally makes an appearance. There are a couple of others with him, but they take up position by the Gate, guarding our retreat.

"Sam?" Dad questions me.

"You tell me, you were the ones who asked for this meeting," I joke.

"OK, have it your way, business first."

No, I didn't fool him for a second. Since he's been blended with Selmak, Dad has got way too perceptive for his own good. At the best I've only managed to forestall the inevitable conversation.

"So, what do you have for us?" I go on.

But before Dad can open his mouth, the gate springs into life again. We all dive for the tree line, taking cover as best we can. As it turns out our precautions aren't necessary. Our visitor turns out to be Martouf. Dad goes to meet him, but I find myself hanging back a little. He is probably the last person I want to see. Jolinar's memories are under better control now, but I can't stop myself feeling something every time I see him.

"Sam," Dad beckons me over and I go with bad grace. Ferretti comes with me, hovering on my shoulder like some kind or guardian angel.

"What is it?" I ask.

If Dad notices my coldness towards Martouf, he doesn't comment.

"I have information, regarding SG1," Martouf says.

"What? Where are they?" Ferretti demands. "Are they hurt?"

"It's Hathor."

Bitch queen from hell Hathor? Damn. Last time we saw here she practically took over the base.

"So what can you tell us?" I ask.

Martouf has everything we could possibly need, Stargate address, a plan of Hathor's base. It turns out that the Tok'ra have an operative under cover and who just sent word. When he heard, the first thing Martouf did was come to find me. I wonder if Jack could be that generous if it had been the other way around. Dad called the meeting because of Hathor's return to power, but I never figured it would have such personal consequences.

We leave as soon as we can. I start running through the Stargate and don't stop when I get to the other side. Everyone stares as I dash out of the Gateroom and straight up to General Hammond's office. There's some guy from the Pentagon deep in conversation with the General, but I don't even wait to knock.

"Sir...sir...it's SG1..." I pant.

"What is it, Major?" he demands.

"We may have found them."

**********************************************************************************

Well, we found Daniel and Kowalski easily enough, but Jack....Jack....

Colonel Makepeace ordered us to move out, saying that we couldn't afford to go back for Jack. For the first time in my military career I'm tempted not to obey orders. If this had been my mission....but it's not and I find myself unwillingly following Makepeace out of the complex. He's right, Jack is a Goa'uld now. There's nothing that we can do for him, however much I hate myself for leaving him. If I go back, we'll be risking everything and one man just isn't worth it....or so people like Makepeace would have us believe.

Daniel looks pretty out of it. Not surprising, given what happened last time he met Hathor. He doesn't talk about that....at least he's never mentioned it to me. Not that I blame him. I hope he's going to be OK. Charlie's watching out for him...I guess someone has to.

It's dark when we get back to the surface. The Stargate lies before us, unguarded. We know it's probably a trap, but we have no choice. It's our only way home. General Hammond tried to get in touch with the Tok'ra and persuade them to give us some back up. They must have refused, because there's no one here but us. I see Makepeace give the signal and we run for it. I'm not really surprised that we don't make it. There are men dropping to my right and left as we try to get back to the tree line. Weapons towers erupt from the very earth and start blasting chunks out of the ground.

Daniel gets shot, I see him go down and Kowalski helps him up....

Ironically, it's one of the big guns that provides our means of escape. By accident or some divine intervention, one of the blasts opens up a Tok'ra tunnel. Not all of us reach it. I'm hoping the rest got to the trees and are hiding out in the woods. We flee through the tunnels, only to run into the forcefield again. Literally in Makepeace's case. It's as I reach out to touch it that I start to realise how I can go back for Jack. We're still exploring the tunnels when we get a message through from General Hammond. He's going to send reinforcements in six hours. The energy barrier is our real problem.

We have to get through this thing or we not going to get home.....and it has to be powered from somewhere inside the complex.

Next thing I know, I'm on my way back. Daniel and Charlie wanted to come with me, but Daniel's hurt and Charlie wouldn't know a shield generator if it leapt up and bit him. At the risk of sounding melodramatic....this I must do alone.

I find my way into the base. From what Charlie and Daniel have told me, I know that Jack was being held in one of the SGC areas. They've given me pretty good directions and I can only hope he's still there. He wouldn't have succumbed easily, I know that much, but I'm scared about what I might find. At least I'll know if he's a Goa'uld, I can thank Jolinar for that.

When I reach the room in question, there's no sign of Jack. It's cold...probably due to the pit of liquid nitrogen that appears to be the main feature. The only occupant of the room is slumped on the floor. Cautiously, I cross over to her.

"Forgive me," she says, "there was no other way."

"You're the Tok'ra?" I ask.

She nods, then points to a console, "The controls are set, activate them."

I do as she asks. Some mechanism grinds into life and something that looks suspiciously like a coffin is winched up from the pit in the floor.

"The goa'uld within is gone," she tells me. "The freezing process would have destroyed it, before it had a chance to meld with the host. He will revive automatically."

Her head slumps to one side as she loses consciousness. There really isn't anything I can do for her, so I cross to the 'coffin' and activate the controls to slide off the lid. Sure enough Jack is inside. God, he looks terrible. His shirt is torn....what else has Hathor done to him? I can't stand the thought of Jack being used in the way Daniel was. I know he wouldn't submit willingly.

I reach out and cup his face in my hands, trying to sense the Goa'uld within. There's nothing....no trace of Naquedah. I breath a silent prayer, dropping a kiss onto his forehead.

"I don't feel it's presence. You're going to be OK," I say. Although whether he can actually hear me is debatable.

I undo the straps that are holding him down a move around to the other side of him. In my haste to free Jack, I let my guard drop. Hathor is standing there, her hand device trained on me.

"We had hopes for you," she spits.

But I'm in too much pain to care. My whole brain is on fire. I'm trying to fight it, but there's nothing I can do... I'm driven to my knees, struggling every inch of the way.

I must have blacked out for a second, because the next thing I feel is a pair of hands pulling me upright.

"Sam?" Jack asks.

"What happened?"

"Oh God baby, I thought..."

But the only word I hear is baby...He pulls me into his arms, holding me as close as he's ever done. His skin is icy cold to the touch and I find myself hugging him back, trying to give him some of my warmth.

"Hathor's gone," he mumbles into my hair.

"What about you?"

"Cold.....I'm a little chilly, but...I'm me....I'm me."

His lips graze my neck...even his breath is cold.

"Colonel Makepeace came through with half a dozen SG teams to rescue us, but we're cut off from the Stargate. They're using an energy barrier. The plan is to blow it before General Hammond sends in reinforcements."

Jack releases me, "And how do we plan to do that?"

I'm looking right into his eyes. He senses that I don't really have much of a plan. I don't know what to say to him, but Jack realises that words aren't what we need right now. He leans towards me. We're both breathing hard and it's not from any exertion. Just being close to him again is sending very distracting signals to my brain.

"What you seek is in the mock-up of your Stargate facility," the Tok'ra woman interrupts.

"And you?" I ask her. I feel responsible. Without her help I would never have got Jack back.

"My symbiote my yet heal me....you must hurry...go."

I look at Jack again and he helps me to my feet. I must admit I still feel a bit shaky. It could be the after effects of Hathor's hand device, but it could be something else. There's still alot we have to say to each other, but it will have to wait. We have to blow that generator and get ourselves back to Earth..... If we can.

**********************************************************************************

I don't think Colonel Makepeace was that pleased to see Jack. Technically, I suppose I did disobey his order....but there was no way I was ever going to consider Jack a casualty. Maybe Makepeace saw this as his chance to move up in the SGC hierarchy. That's uncharitable of me, but there's something about that man I find very disquieting. Then again...he is a marine, what can you expect. He's very like Jack in a way, if you took away the sense of humour and basic decency.

General Hammond was as good as his word. Although, I must admit I'd expected an Earth military response, but there was no sweeter sight than Teal'c's deathglider swooping through the 'gate. He's one hell of a pilot. It's disorienting enough walking through the wormhole, never mind tying to fly a plane. You know I swear I heard General Hammond give a rebel yell as they destroyed the first tower, but I couldn't have done...could I? By the time Bra'tac came through with the renegade Jaffa it was more or less over. With Hathor gone, her forces were in disarray. Without her binding force they'd just as soon fight each other as us.

I pick Jack up from the dust and we go to join the others. To my surprise, he slips an arm about my waist. The display of affection makes me slightly uncomfortable. It shouldn't be this easy....or should it? Yet another example of the way Jack thinks. He's found it in his heart to forgive me, so as far as he's concerned we can go back. I'm not so certain. No matter how much he might want to pretend everything is different now. I realise I was the guilty party in all of this but even so....Jack hurt me when he rejected me so forcefully.....without being willing to listen to anything I had to say. A few roses aren't going to solve anything.

Hammond comes over to speak to us. He has an indulgent smile on his face. Yes, Uncle George is happy to see us like this. I guess he thinks it's the end of the conflict within his best SG teams. Both of Jack's arms wrap around my waist and he rests his chin on my shoulder, while carrying on his conversation with Hammond. I've never known him be so demonstrative, but it's kind of nice to feel him like this.

"Major?" Hammond says

"What...I mean, yes sir?" I reply, somewhat distracted.

"Why don't you escort SG1 home?"

"But what about....?"

"We can clean up here."

He's not giving me a choice in the matter. Why does everyone seem to think that Jack and I should get back together? Even Hammond seems to have a romantic streak a mile wide. He's given me an order though, and I have to obey it. I accompany SG1 home.

Janet pounces on them the second we step through the gate and whisks them off to the infirmary. Since they've been frozen, had their memories screwed with and....in Jack's case....been almost taken over by a Goa'uld, it's probably a good thing. More, importantly it's going to give me a chance to get my head together. I know before I was eager for Jack to come back to me but now...I'm getting scared.

In the end I go home. If Jack wants me, he knows where to find me.....but I'm betting on Janet keeping them overnight. I take a bath, open a bottle of wine and order Chinese. I curl up on the couch, in my flannel pyjamas and prepare to relax. I'm halfway through the wine when someone knocks on my door. He's found me. I know it's Jack. He has his own key and I know he'll just let himself in. Funny, that was the one thing he didn't give back to me.

"Sam?" he calls as he unlocks the door.

"In here!" I yell back.

He comes in from the hall and slumps onto the couch beside me. Without prompting, he starts to massage my feet.

"There's beer in the fridge," I tell him.

"I'm good," he replies.

I smile. Jack knows how much my feet ache after a long mission. I close my eyes and just let myself enjoy the sensation.

The mission must have taken more out of me than I thought, because the next thing I know, I'm waking up in my own bed and the sun is streaming through the curtains. I roll over and reach out a hand, disappointed to find that the other side of the bed is empty. I thought that Jack would have stayed.....even without my permission. Maybe he didn't want to. Pushing back my disappointment I crawl out of bed. I throw on my sweats and a shirt and head towards the kitchen for the coffee pot.

It's only as I'm walking back that I notice the feet hanging off the end of my couch. I'd recognise them anywhere. He's taken his shoes off and I playfully tickle his feet to wake him up. Jack won't be easily disturbed and he pulls his legs out of my reach.

"Go 'way," he mutters, curling himself up. I don't know how he's managing to stay on the couch, but he does. Taking the bait, I become a little bolder in my attack and run my fingers lightly over his ribs.

"Goddammit...Charlie!" he yells, his eyes snapping open.

Jack pulls himself upright and drags a hand through his hair. He catches sight of me, taking in my slightly shocked expression,

"Sorry, I guess that memory device screwed me up more